Just A Fantasy...

Weather changes dramatically in November.  It felt like late spring then winter came without leaving any warnings first.  Let’s see what happened since my last update: I’m now much busier than before; we just had the shortest fall ever; I’m into Neo-soul as I’m listening to Erykah Badu and I honestly don’t know the right position to sleep for my neck’s been hurt for 3 consecutive days.

Can complain about my life cuz I need to move on.  I know lots of things are not that scary as long as I’m willing to put myself in it.  Things like this and that will come to me eventually.  I can either make full preparation or at least not be afraid of them.  I may never change the way I am, but I wish I knew it was that hard to be brave.

This November doesn’t really leave me much to remember.  I hate winters especially when it rains.  Whenever I’m sitting down and listening to music from Chris Botti or that All I Want for Christmas song in the dark, the coldness and loneliness make it feels like Christmas time already.  Another year is about to go by again.  Look what I’ve done.

And now, I’m crossing my fingers wishing for a sunny day.  Those rainy days teach me to cherish every drop of sunshine that comes in my life.  I know in this life, everyone is a fighter with me being no exception.  

 

  The rainy Monday comes after a sunny weekend is definitely the most irritating one.  To me, rain is not an all bad thing cuz it’s always nice to wake up listening to the raindrops falling on the roof top and thinking how many people have to deal with the damn rain when all I need to do is just having a nice sleep or simply nothing.

  Autumn is really coming close since it feels freezing sometimes walking in the rain.  The life just never gives me a break.  I know now it’s time to be confident and brave, and it would make such a coward of me if I still choose to linger or telling everyone I need to “make a change” while doing nothing that really helps.  It’s not easy for me to fight against the way I have always been, so I wish I could be stronger and smarter.

  For what is about to happen, I’d say I consider it a first step.  I don’t wanna end up being someone that I’ve always despised, nor do I want to be doing this and wondering what my life would become should I try that. 

  This September is sure a lot different that what it used to be.  It feels like a fresh start without saying goodbye to the past.  I see life’s been treating me kind, and when my life is still all in my hand, I know I should bear in mind that I promised to try.  

       
        I used to think that to get rid of my toubles, all I have to do was just to go to bed, have a nice sleep and when I wake up, everything will be fine again.  Well at this particular moment, it's probably still not the best time of the year as a golden autum is nowhere near me and it's not the highlight of my life as I'm still feeling unsure of the things that I'm about to go through. 

        I'm no kid anymore, so that I almost don't shed a tear for pain.  But the rain always knows when and where to get me.  Nothing seems to be more annoying than making my way out of the heavy rain and feeling unwell.

        Much as I wish fairytales could take place for even just once in my life, I'm mature enough to accept that my ordinary life can't get any different than others'.  Whatever happens, I choose to move on, knowing what matters so much right now will be nothing but bullshit when I look back later, if I would.

        Now negative thoughts only occur to me half of the time because I'm really OK with all that's coming down to me.  I don't have to be a tin man to avoid getting hurt because I'm a grown-up.  And who knows if by the time I wake up the next day, these tiny petty things could really go away.